i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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