The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
