dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
