When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize