it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Pooping to opera.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize