It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize