I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
