Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
