chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
