We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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