things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
