Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
