Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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