He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
