that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
