He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
