i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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