i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
