I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
