remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
