I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
