I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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