im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
