I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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