sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
