My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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