dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize