You just made me feel so damn special
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
