You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
