The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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