You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
