i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
