I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
