Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
