just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
