felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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