He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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