There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
