alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
