party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize