Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
