Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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