the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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