Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
