Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
