I want to walk on stilts...naked
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
