I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
