I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
