sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
