I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
