My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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