Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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