rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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