so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
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