We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
