i don't plan on having that self control this summer
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I am spending my child support on dildos
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
