I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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