Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
