I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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