peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
