He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
