Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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