you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Drunk is not a location!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
