a queef is a wish your heart makes.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
