from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
