So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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