Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
